The Top 5 Reasons I'm Glad My Kid Is Graduating from High School and Heading to College

It is a generally accepted fact that I am going to be a hot mess when we drop off our oldest at college in the fall, and I’m pretty sure that my family already is developing contingency plans to wrest me away from her dorm room before I embarrass her. We’ve had a number of mini-milestones already: last first day of school, last school dance, college tours, signing a letter of intent, and a hundred other moments each of which ended with my daughter looking at me, rolling her eyes, and asking “are you starting to cry AGAIN?” Sorry honey, I can’t help it.

And so with the two biggies just around the corner: High School Graduation and College Drop-Off, I decided I need a plan. A strategy to keep me focused on all of the positive things ahead rather than all of the sweet, precious moments that are now behind us. (Whimper. See, here I go again …).

So, my cherished daughter, in addition to obvious gratitude for the opportunities and experiences that will be afforded to you by virtue of a great college education, here are my Top 5 Reasons to Smile and Be Glad that You Are Graduating from High School and Heading to College:

1. The Archaeological Dig – Your Room

Purging your room and packing you up for college is going to be the mother of all home projects, but, oh, the forgotten treasures we will find! The pictures, the notes … the plastic jewelry and worn ballerina tutus … the misplaced homework and childhood books … the stuffed animals (stuffies)! Like any archaeological dig, it may take a little work. Despite 18 seasons of spring-cleaning, you still have managed to stockpile and tuck away all manner and kind of memorabilia. THIS is going to be fun.

2. Care Packages

I’m not sure why I am so obsessed with this, but perhaps it’s this – there are things I can do now to make your day a little easier, your stress a little less weighty – your lunch made for you in the morning, folded laundry on the weekend, or a little girl time R&R. I won’t be able to do those things for you when you’re away. But I can surprise you with a little something that you know is from home and, most especially, is sent to you with love. The thought that those things or a note from your family might bring a little extra cheer to your day, well, that just makes me smile.

3. Kid #2 Will Get His “Only Child” Time

The first four years were yours and yours alone as an only child. When it came to our attention, you had no competition, and you loved it. So this is really a front end / back end sort of thing … you had the benefit of the only child limelight during your first few years of life, your brother will get full “only child” time and attention during his high school years For the record, your teenage brother thinks you got the better end of the deal and isn’t at all sure that he really wants to be the full focus of our attention for the next four years.

4. Half Way to an Empty Nest

See “front end / back end” thing, above. Your dad and I wanted to start a family early, and we were lucky enough that it happened for us. That also meant that all of the married couple time – the travel, the nights out and, yes, the freedom that comes when you don’t have children to tend to – was put on the back burner with the hope that after we raised our family, THEN we would enjoy that time. And before you and your brother become completely offended by this, remember that nothing (NOTHING) gives us more joy, satisfaction, or delight than the privilege of being your parents, and that will never change. We are not ready for empty-nest life yet, but by the time little brother is on his way, your dad and I will be ready to explore new things together. Also remember this: the fact that after 22 years of marriage your parents still love each other and WANT to spend time together is a VERY good thing.

5. It’s Your Time to Fly …

… and you are ready. Flying on your own is exhilarating, freeing, sometimes scary, sometimes bumpy, but it also is the greatest experience life can offer. It was what you were born to eventually do.

But also know that if you ever get tired and you need a safe place to land to catch your breath, we will always be here.

WelcomE!

The obligatory "about me" ...

I am a California attorney, wife and mother to two teenagers. Thanks to some fierce prodding by my brother and unwavering support from my family, I started to write again (hence, the blog), and to run again (training for the New York City Marathon). After all, if you are going to get in the game, you might as well go all-in. You can find out more about my story here.

November 1, 2019

This Is Fifty

When I first started this writing space and was trying on different names for what ultimately became Midlife Run, I struggled. Solidly in my forties, the idea of attaching the word “midlife” to anything seemed like an unwelcome, uncomfortable stretch reserved for the after-fifty set. But I settled into the name, comforted by the knowledge that I was on the “early side” of midlife. Not so any more. Last month we dropped our youngest at college thus marking the beginning of the “empty nester years” and today, as I start to write this, I turn fifty. I am solidly, undeniably, in midlife.

August 19, 2019

It's Almost Here: The Empty Nest!

In my memory, I cannot think of a more seismic shift in our marriage than when we had children. The first sign that our world was about to be rocked actually happened when our first bun was still in the oven and we were standing outside of a Denver bar. It wasn’t late, we were with good friends, and good times were being had by all, especially by those (not me) enjoying a night of craft beer and pool. By that point in my pregnancy, my body was changing and bulging, I had given up caffeine, alcohol, and hot baths and traded them for binge-eating apples. My pregnancy and impending motherhood were feeling tangibly real in a way that it wasn’t (yet) for my husband. And that night, with festivities just warming up, I was standing by the car asking my husband not to go in and to come home with me instead because I was exhausted and sick with pregnancy. If you ask him now, he doesn’t remember that night. I do. In his eyes and in his body-language was a man coming to terms with our new and changing reality. As we looked at each other we silently acknowledged that our lives would never be the same. What we want, what we do, how we see the world, and how we prioritize our lives no longer involved just the two of us. There was going to be a third member of our family, and eventually a fourth, and nothing, ever, not even a night out with friends, would be quite so simple any more.

May 20, 2019

Lucky Me (Guest Post by Andrew J. Pridgen)

My excuses for why I’m not going to perform well in a race while I toe the starting line roll up like opening credits in a movie. Written by: Lack of preparation, Directed by: Insecurity, Executive produced by: My shoes don’t feel right, Casting by: I can barely breathe and my ankle already hurts. Starring: Me.

April 3, 2019

Walk Slowly with Me

Our family is not one to stand still. We fall easily into the pace of rushed crowds on New York City streets, and we barrel ahead in pursuit of goals. We move forward, and then we move forward again. Even our family walks seem to be driven, marching along familiar neighborhood paths, distracted by conversation, and, for the past twelve years, led by our trusty furry companion, Lucy, whose entry into our family was the very thing that initiated this nightly routine.

January 13, 2019

New Year's Resolution: Do One Thing

I have a shrink-wrapped cork board leaning against the wall to the right of my desk, clearly within view. It’s been standing sentinel in the same spot for months, waiting for me to deal with it and daring me to get on with it already. Its purpose is to be a vision board of sort, a place for me organize my goals, to lay them out in a way that my left-leaning brain can process and check them off, mixed together with other bits designed to spark my still developing right-brain to creativity. I look at that cork board regularly with the same dread that someone with writer’s block stares at a blinking curser on a blank screen.

December 9, 2018

NYC Marathon: Challenge, Growth, and Celebration

When you tell someone – especially a non-runner someone – that you are going to run a marathon, you’re generally met with some version of a respectful “that’s great … good for you.” Contrast, when you tell someone that you are going to run the NYC Marathon, there’s a special, heightened aura that surrounds what surely, inevitably, will be nothing short of an epic race.

November 3, 2018

Life’s a Journey ... The Road to NYC Marathon 2018

Mostly, though, there has been an extraordinarily emotional undercurrent to this training cycle because it is impossible for me to look forward to this marathon without looking back to my 2015 NYC Marathon, and examining with wonder how one stacked series of events can make your whole life pivot until you find yourself on a trajectory you never could have imagined.

September 15, 2018

Creating Space, Building Strength

In my ordinary life, there is room for writing, for running, for meaningful conversations, and for balance. My life right now is not ordinary. It is frenetic, and it is all but consumed by a single work endeavor. It leaves me starving for sleep and time with family, it led me to write a middle of the night SOS to my coach about my NYC marathon training, and it is accompanied by a level of stress and adrenaline that can keep me going now, but in the long run is unsustainable. Gratefully, I am not alone in this experience, and I have my ultimate support crew (husband and family) behind me.

June 27, 2018

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Because There Will Be Plenty of Big Stuff: Reflections on 25 Years of Marriage

Certain milestones simply make me pause. Today is a big one – our 25th wedding anniversary. By any measure, that is a legitimately long time to spend marching through life next to the same person. It has me looking back in wonder about how we got to this point, looking forward trying to guess what is ahead, and reflecting broadly about what I know now about the two of us together and the life-long project of building a marriage. Unsurprisingly, I have a few thoughts.

March 29, 2018

That Family Place

When my Dad was young, the annual family pilgrimage took them to Lake Tahoe during the summer, where his family would stay in a small cabin on the north shore, the boys would catch crawdads between the boulders jutting out from the Lake, and skip smooth, flat rocks over the water’s surface. I know these things because when my parents took my brother and me to the same lake shore, and years later after the next generation joined us, my parents would tell the stories. The connection to Lake Tahoe is now four generations deep, and with every new year and new family member or friend who joins us, the memories deepen and years of family stories from this special place transform into epic lore.