When I first started this writing space and was trying on different names for what ultimately became Midlife Run, I struggled. Solidly in my forties, the idea of attaching the word “midlife” to anything seemed like an unwelcome, uncomfortable stretch reserved for the after-fifty set. But I settled into the name, comforted by the knowledge that I was on the “early side” of midlife. Not so any more. Last month we dropped our youngest at college thus marking the beginning of the “empty nester years” and today, as I start to write this, I turn fifty. I am solidly, undeniably, in midlife.
Read MoreIt's Almost Here: The Empty Nest!
In my memory, I cannot think of a more seismic shift in our marriage than when we had children. The first sign that our world was about to be rocked actually happened when our first bun was still in the oven and we were standing outside of a Denver bar. It wasn’t late, we were with good friends, and good times were being had by all, especially by those (not me) enjoying a night of craft beer and pool. By that point in my pregnancy, my body was changing and bulging, I had given up caffeine, alcohol, and hot baths and traded them for binge-eating apples. My pregnancy and impending motherhood were feeling tangibly real in a way that it wasn’t (yet) for my husband. And that night, with festivities just warming up, I was standing by the car asking my husband not to go in and to come home with me instead because I was exhausted and sick with pregnancy. If you ask him now, he doesn’t remember that night. I do. In his eyes and in his body-language was a man coming to terms with our new and changing reality. As we looked at each other we silently acknowledged that our lives would never be the same. What we want, what we do, how we see the world, and how we prioritize our lives no longer involved just the two of us. There was going to be a third member of our family, and eventually a fourth, and nothing, ever, not even a night out with friends, would be quite so simple any more.
Read MoreLucky Me (Guest Post by Andrew J. Pridgen)
My excuses for why I’m not going to perform well in a race while I toe the starting line roll up like opening credits in a movie. Written by: Lack of preparation, Directed by: Insecurity, Executive produced by: My shoes don’t feel right, Casting by: I can barely breathe and my ankle already hurts. Starring: Me.
Read MoreWalk Slowly with Me
Our family is not one to stand still. We fall easily into the pace of rushed crowds on New York City streets, and we barrel ahead in pursuit of goals. We move forward, and then we move forward again. Even our family walks seem to be driven, marching along familiar neighborhood paths, distracted by conversation, and, for the past twelve years, led by our trusty furry companion, Lucy, whose entry into our family was the very thing that initiated this nightly routine.
Read MoreNew Year's Resolution: Do One Thing
I have a shrink-wrapped cork board leaning against the wall to the right of my desk, clearly within view. It’s been standing sentinel in the same spot for months, waiting for me to deal with it and daring me to get on with it already. Its purpose is to be a vision board of sort, a place for me organize my goals, to lay them out in a way that my left-leaning brain can process and check them off, mixed together with other bits designed to spark my still developing right-brain to creativity. I look at that cork board regularly with the same dread that someone with writer’s block stares at a blinking curser on a blank screen.
Read MoreNYC Marathon: Challenge, Growth, and Celebration
When you tell someone – especially a non-runner someone – that you are going to run a marathon, you’re generally met with some version of a respectful “that’s great … good for you.” Contrast, when you tell someone that you are going to run the NYC Marathon, there’s a special, heightened aura that surrounds what surely, inevitably, will be nothing short of an epic race.
Read MoreLife’s a Journey ... The Road to NYC Marathon 2018
Mostly, though, there has been an extraordinarily emotional undercurrent to this training cycle because it is impossible for me to look forward to this marathon without looking back to my 2015 NYC Marathon, and examining with wonder how one stacked series of events can make your whole life pivot until you find yourself on a trajectory you never could have imagined.
Read MoreCreating Space, Building Strength
In my ordinary life, there is room for writing, for running, for meaningful conversations, and for balance. My life right now is not ordinary. It is frenetic, and it is all but consumed by a single work endeavor. It leaves me starving for sleep and time with family, it led me to write a middle of the night SOS to my coach about my NYC marathon training, and it is accompanied by a level of stress and adrenaline that can keep me going now, but in the long run is unsustainable. Gratefully, I am not alone in this experience, and I have my ultimate support crew (husband and family) behind me.
Read MoreDon't Sweat the Small Stuff Because There Will Be Plenty of Big Stuff: Reflections on 25 Years of Marriage
Certain milestones simply make me pause. Today is a big one – our 25th wedding anniversary. By any measure, that is a legitimately long time to spend marching through life next to the same person. It has me looking back in wonder about how we got to this point, looking forward trying to guess what is ahead, and reflecting broadly about what I know now about the two of us together and the life-long project of building a marriage. Unsurprisingly, I have a few thoughts.
Read MoreThat Family Place
When my Dad was young, the annual family pilgrimage took them to Lake Tahoe during the summer, where his family would stay in a small cabin on the north shore, the boys would catch crawdads between the boulders jutting out from the Lake, and skip smooth, flat rocks over the water’s surface. I know these things because when my parents took my brother and me to the same lake shore, and years later after the next generation joined us, my parents would tell the stories. The connection to Lake Tahoe is now four generations deep, and with every new year and new family member or friend who joins us, the memories deepen and years of family stories from this special place transform into epic lore.
Read MoreThe NYC Marathon: That Spark
The weeks leading to the CIM in December were frenetic - filled beyond capacity with work, training, parenting, and living. Coming off of the high of that marathon, I entered a re-grouping period. My focus turned inward toward family and quiet. Prompted by the formation of a writing group born from Wilder, my writing practice shifted to pen, paper, and daily writing prompts in a space where I am free to play with words and ideas away from the pressure of “perfect” applied to an art that actually is enriched by human imperfections and free flowing honesty. Running similarly has been unconstrained, and my previously dictated workouts became guided instead by whatever it was that my body and mind needed on any given day. What I would have viewed in the past as a step back actually has been a period of rejuvenation, base-building, and readying myself for something more.
Read MoreNew Year: Living Your Personal Best
Running can be a big goal-oriented numbers game, pushing for that next PR. That certainly is how I began my training cycle leading to CIM. I did not just want a personal record, I wanted a moonshot qualifying time for Boston. I was determined, focused, and coached, … and then as the weeks passed I was diverted by travel, an injury, and a series of work deadlines that in combination left me questioning everything about the race including my motivation, commitment, and whether I even had it in me to finish. Vanished were my dreams of a massive PR, replaced instead with simple resolve to go out and just do my best, My Personal Best, given where I found myself in the moment.
Read MoreCIM Training (Week 11): Run Hard, Fall Down, Get Up, Keep Going
The boys in my life – husband, son, brother – take great and reoccurring joy in giving me grief about my fear of falling. Skiing? Bring on the bunny hill, snow plow, “ski like a mom” standup routine. Running in the dark? “I don’t know what you’re afraid of – just pick up your feet.” I have heard every version, and at this point I basically tune it out, but the last round made me pause. My son looked at me from across the kitchen island with all of the sincerity a 16-year old can muster and came out with this: “You know, Mom, if you don’t fall down once in a while, you just aren’t running hard enough.”
Read MoreCIM Training (Week 6): Stare Yourself Down
For someone who spends a disproportionate amount of her free time running and writing about running, I have very few pictures of me actually engaged in the activity. Stopping mid-run and snapping a selfie is just uncomfortable. Race photos? Hate them, delete them. Also avoided: any glimpses of myself in the reflection of a storefront window as I run by. The truth of it is that I admire runners who capture and share the highs and lows of their training runs and races. But when it comes to pictures of me, I am afraid of what I might see. I am scared that instead of seeing strength, the images reflected back to me instead will feed all of my running insecurities and tear down whatever resolve I have to drive myself forward.
Read MoreWhat Do You Need?
When was the last time you asked yourself what you need? Not what’s for dinner or what emails have to be answered for work or what you need to do to make sure that everyone else around you is well tended and taken care of. This question is simply about you. If the rest of the world and responsibilities fell away just for a minute - or an hour - where would your spirit pull you? What, would it feel like to do exactly whatever it is that tugs at your heart in that moment. What is that? Is it a moment alone to sit in stillness? Is it a guilt-free run on a trail? Is it reading (or writing) a book? Tending your garden? Dinner out with friends or family? A nap?
Read MoreCIM Training (The Beginning): It's Time to Sweat Again
There are seasons in every runner’s life. For the past couple of years, mine have been defined by Fall marathons. Winter: Aspirational dreaming mixed with doubt about whether I have another marathon in me and uncertainty about which race to target. Spring: Ah spring … everything seems fresh and new and full of possibility … Push “submit” on marathon race registration but race training is mostly theoretical and workouts are guided by how I feel and how my spirit moves me (or not) on any given day. Summer: The shit is getting real. What are my goals? (Do I have goals?) How am I going to train? What have I gotten myself into (again)? Summer is the pre-marathon season when all of the doubts, all of second guessing, all of the self-pep talks to find my inner badass get sorted out, until the day arrives when it is time to finally flip the switch to training mode and really commit to sweating again.
Read MoreLetting Go of "Perfection"
When my daughter was a toddler and we were zipping around town running errands, I had a habit of listening to a talk radio show host whose platform centered on giving advice about marriage, parenting, and general adulting. She was conservative but she sounded authoritative and was entertaining, and as a 20-something year old first time mom trying to adjust and seeking to be the-very-best-I-could-be, I listened to her religiously. Then one day, she came out with this little gem: Your house always should be “company ready”. Two working parents, a small house, and a toddler with enough toys to open a pre-school, sure, that was going to happen.
Read MoreGetting Wilder
How do you describe four days in Oregon that redefined how you want to live and transformed your personal aspirations? Four days coached by the incomparable runner-writer Lauren Fleshman and mentored by the equally incredible writer-runner Marianne Elliott? Four days in the company of more than 30 strong and engaged women who arrived with a total commitment to the practice of running and writing and seeking deeper understanding? Someone, please tell me how, because more than a week later, I still am staring at a blank page trying to find a way to describe the experience and how much this group of runner-writer sisters have come to mean to me.
Read MoreTalking About Life and Milestones
There is a scene from When Harry Met Sally (Best Movie Ever) when Sally is in the middle of a good, fitful, pitty party over news that her ex is getting married. Crying, and defeated, she laments to Harry: ... And I’m going to be 40 …
Read MoreRedefining Success and Failure
I do not take on challenges lightly. A risk-adverse planner by nature, I don't set goals I don't think I can meet. I don't make arguments I do not think I can win. I don't ski down a hill so steep I might fall. And I sure as hell don’t sign up for a race I don’t think I can finish. This life approach is entrenched with the need for safety and surety, knowing that I can and do push myself but only so far. Generally, I have to say it has been a pretty satisfying approach to life. That is, until I start wondering what if …?
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